chronic and me

Updated: Jan 15

I'm talking chronic pain. And I live in it everyday of my life and have since February 2011.


Long story short, I went back home to Dallas in '11 and ended up at our favorite country bar for a night of two-steppin and adult bevies. At the end of the night, out of nowhere, someone I know came up behind me while I was mid-conversation, picked me up over his head.... and the s.o.b dropped me. Let me just say, this was not a dance move either. I brushed myself off, adjusted my wardrobe and punched him in the arm saying 'what the fuck?' Because seriously, what the actual fuck. I mean, who does that? At the time, I really didn't realize the damage that had been done. I remember the next day at the airport, minus a tiny hangover, I hurt... like from the fall, I hurt. Now this person is a literal pain in my.... neck.


I've never been hurt and not healed... until this drop. I went to my primary care provider who sent me to a chiropractor, but the pain got worse. A MRI showed two herniated discs... and from there and to this day, it's been a lot of pain management and a lot of [bleeping] money. I started with acupuncture which was beautiful and quite interesting. After two sessions two weeks in a row my pain was gone. Buuut I had to keep going with treatment to keep the pain away; it doesn't just go away and stay gone. So, I did acupuncture for about a year, and at $100/session it got costly. Not to mention my Dr made a very inappropriate comment to me so that ended our relationship and I moved on to other forms of pain management. Physical therapy then followed, I took steroids, I was even put under to have a steroid epidural injected into the injured area. Let me just tell you, to put me under alone cost $1100. I need a drink just thinking about that bill. I saw a neurologist who injected my back, neck, shoulders and part of my face (that was a nice perk) with 200 units of botox. That was the first treatment that really bothered me to do. I'm not scared of needles at all, but having one longer or as long as a ruler being inserted into the side of my neck and then having her ask me to push my ear down to my shoulder to push the needle in more... that was really hard for me.


Those were just the procedures... never mind the meds the Drs wanted me to take. My GP, my neurologist, and my physical therapist each had their own Rx they wanted me to take, all while knowing what the other were prescribing at the same time. Even my acupuncturist had me on some Chinese herbal pills. It was honestly quite ridiculous how much they wanted me to take. Key word, wanted. I'm not a pill person. If I have a headache, I drink water. So the fact these turds had/wanted me on so much... I just couldn't. Not to say I didn't take some, like for inflammation or even pain, but the plethora of meds they had me on was, well right now as I write this, I think it's laughable and sad that they are (in my opinion) are over prescribing. I definitely get why there's an epidemic going on out there with pills.


So how do I handle this and live life, a life not on pills? Because honestly, part of the reason my husband and I waited so long to have our babe (10yrs of marriage and me 40y/o) was so I could get better and actually enjoy pregnancy (I couldn't take some of the meds while pregnant), so I can enjoy motherhood and be present for life with our baby. I wanted to not live in such pain, which some days can be all consuming. Like I said, I'm in pain every day and it's just something that I have to manage from morning to night. I went to my GP for a routine check-in, my husband was in tow, and at that appointment my Dr suggested medical marijuana for pain management. He said I've 'exhausted' everything else and this is what/why it became 'legally' available for those that qualify for it. Shockingly, I didn't get it at that point... this was maybe two years ago? Not sure why, I just didn't.


Cool thing is, my Drs who knew we wanted a baby but were wanting to get this under control, said that my body could actually heal itself through pregnancy... and son of a baby, it did. After Willow was born, I got my 4th MRI (mind you they are $330+ to do) and this MRI showed that my herinations were gone!! All my discs were bulging now, but the herniations were gone.


.... Until this last Christmas when I fell not one but two nights in a (bleeping) row. Actually, the first night was a slip compared the the next night.


Kinda funny, but kinda not really... I had treated myself, with some money from my DIL, to my very first pair of Christian Louboutin's this last Christmas and wore them to a friend's Christmas Eve eve eve party. It was the first time I ever wore (those bastards) and son of a bitch, if I didn't slip on their damp wooden deck and knock the absolute FUCK out of myself. I mean, I had to have been horizontal in the air. And it was so loud a kid from the upstairs playroom heard it, saw me out the window, flat out on my back, and came running down. I laid there for minutes, I couldn't move, it just knocked it out of me. And we went home.

That was a Saturday night and Monday was Christmas Eve. I was in so much pain and it only got worse. Drs weren't exactly open at this time so I just pushed on. My birthday was three days after Christmas (12/28) and all I wanted was a hotel room to myself, to sleep in and just to take a lil self care break... because we all need that alone time and what better time than on a birthday. So I had a hotel room, three bottles of champagne, but damn if I wasn't in bed by 10pm and not one of those bottles were popped... you know I wasn't feeling well. Which sucked too because we had a championship game taking place at Ray Jay and the college players, the coaches, ESPN and other tv crews were at the hotel and it was a great vibe... except for the excruciating pain I was in. Like when I would breath in, sharp pains were in my chest. The next morning, my birthday, I couldn't take it. Although I did manage, I'm proud to say, to publish this website that morning. If you read my intro/saw the home page, the beginning post talks about this hotel room I was in and a rib being out of place.... that was this day.


But yea, I checked out and went straight to my chiropractor's chiro for an adjustment. He said a vertebrae that was holding my rib in place was out of alignment and therefore my rib was out of place, which explained that excruciating pain. When my chiropractor was back in the office after Christmas break, I saw her and discovered my tailbone was out of place... it should flip one way but mine flipped the other. Yea, ouch is right. I remember now when I would sit down how much it hurt... now I know. She urged me to go directly to Urgent Care and I saw someone who seemed to think all was well.


But it wasn't. I saw an orthopedic surgeon who sent me in for my 5th MRI and it showed that my two herniated discs that had healed were re-injured, plus a third disc that was bulging. Lovely.


And that's when I got my medical card. And it is... fabulous.





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